Yes, it's true.

I'm totally pregnant.  Not just a little bit anymore- like almost showing belly and half a week into my second trimester.  Funny that I had to look the weeks up for the trimesters considering that the first time around I was a serious expert on all things pregnancy related.  I think I had my midwife online degree when I was pregnant with Benjamin.  I knew exactly what week the fingernails developed and how big the baby was at all times and exactly what medicines I could take and which ones were not recommended.  Now I have to look everything up because I must have misplaced those brain cells that enabled me to learn that material the first time around.  I like how some books call it "Mommy fog".  I think mine is equivalent to mountain fog on some days.  Shenandoah mountain fog. 

So if I'm completely honest with you, I must say that it's sort of hard to muster up any type of excitement over this pregnancy and the thought of having another baby.  Don't misunderstand me though, it isn't as if I'm sad or depressed, so don't go calling social services on me.  I think that it is mostly worry that I won't have enough hours in the day or enough time to take care of two children.  And not only two children, but rather Benjamin plus a baby.  Everyone says that your second baby is better than the first and it isn't as hard because you know what to expect and all that nonsense.  I'm not worried for the baby, I'm more worried for Benjamin.  Am I going to have enough time to take care of his needs as well as the needs for the baby?  I think that everyone wants to nod and say, "Of COURSE you'll have enough time for both of them".  And I know that some of you might have numerous children and none of them suffered and yadda yadda, so why would I worry?  I'm not a worrisome person by nature, really.  It's just that for those of you that know Benjamin and how we have given a thousand percent to him this year and how much progress he has made... and it concerns me that his progress will either stop or regress... and there will be nothing that I can do about it really.  And oh, what if we have another Benjamin baby... Well, if we do, we'll be armed with more knowledge than most parents could ever dream of having.  But then again, we could have a neurotypical child and then what would we do with ourselves? 

Armed reminds me of armor and armor reminds me of the song that you sing in nursery school called "The Armor of God"... just thought I'd throw in that mental thought pattern because Warren is always laughing at how my brain works.  The basic chorus goes "put on the armor of God, so you can stand"... you'd think that by the literal meaning of armor, you'd have a hard time standing because the weight of the armor would be holding you down... but God's armor is much lighter than the weight of the world, isn't it?  I think I'll go with that one.

Dory fish

Benjamin brought me his Dory fish this morning and wanted me to give it a kiss. You know, the blue one from Finding Nemo. Warren started laughing and asked me if I remembered what Benjamin used to call it, and I had completely forgotten that he used to call her something else. He would pick the fish up and hold it right to his face and say the same word over and over. It was really precious at the time. Warren finally recalled that Benjamin used to call her baby, but it sounded more like Baybay. He actually called all fish baybays. I vaguely recall writing something about it, or maybe I just wanted to write something about it. (It really seems like a lot of my blogging only occurs in my head. Too bad I'm the only one who can read those posts.) We both started laughing and Warren asked Benjamin if he had his baybay and Benjamin looked up at him like he was crazy and said, "Dory".

Benjamin has come such a long way this year. And to think that we were concerned that he'd never speak...

It has been such a wonderful year for us. Happy New Year!

P.S. I found it on the Feb 4, 2009 post about his babies. Too funny.

times two

Since this blog is specifically about being a Mom and the trials and joys that come along with it, I must say that I need to update the title to My days being a Mamma, times two.


Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope that you'll all be with your family and friends and enjoying some yummy Thanksgiving food today.

What are you thankful for?

So here it is, Thanksgiving already.  And in the spirit, I'd like to post what I've been thankful for this year and also what I'll be thankful for next year. 

2009:  We've had a great year as a family.  Warren transferred to shore duty, so we've been able to see each other every day for almost a year.  Drastic change from 2008, that's for sure!  Benjamin has made great strides in his speaking and behavior, so that in itself could make for an entire post.  We are thankful for every forward step that he makes.  He truly is a sweet child. :)

2010:  We're thankful for children and the many blessing of them! 

writing and typing

So here it is, middle of the month and I have yet to post any type of miracle, big or small.  I have had lots of them though, I promise.  Maybe I should start scribbling them down when they occur so it will enable me to remember them.  Not that they are easy to forget, but rather more that I forget to type them.  I so often want to use write and type interchangeably, but they are indeed two different words with completely different meanings.. but I've found that in today's society, more people type rather than write.  I think it's more of a time constraint to write and you can't press backspace when you make a mistake.  I'd rather people not know how many mistakes I make while my brain and hands attempt to function together.  You'd be surprised how many words are left out when you type, but how your brain puts them in for you if you read fast enough. And with the whole letters out of order thing as well...

So some could say that the written word is lost and part of that statement may be true, but think of all that we're accomplishing in the saved time.  Interesting to note that most of the authors that the world considers brilliant only had pens and paper.  And sometimes not even pens and paper.

Little boys + dirt = fun

Benjamin had a great day in preschool today! Yay! He didn't look like he had been crying for three hours straight when I picked him up. Yay! These are good things. He looked so adorable and I wish I had a good picture to show you, but the only one I have is one taken from my cellphone and he was running while it was taken. He had his little backpack on and he was carrying his lunchbox in his hand. He looked like a tiny little Kindergarten student. We were walking out to the car and the ground was a bit soggy and full of mud puddles. There is one mud puddle there that is particularly large and the school has attempted to fix it a number of times, but the rain keeps restricting their progress. It was completely full of water and Benjamin sees it, forgets that it is about thigh high deep on him, and goes running for it. Meanwhile, I'm screaming "NOOO", but it's too late... he plunges face forward in this puddle mainly because his hands are otherwise occupied by aforementioned backpack and lunchbox. I get over in front of him and he looks up at me and starts to cry and I bust out laughing and he starts smiling... mud in his teeth and all. I wish I had a picture of that.

Little Miracle November 1

So many of you know from my facebook post that Benjamin was horrible Halloween afternoon/evening. The weather didn't exactly cooperate, so we had to change his costume around to a dinosaur who lives in the tropics (hah to my friend Raven) from just a regular dinosaur who lives elsewhere. (Where did they live, anyway?) So he had green shorts and a green shirt with scales that were made out of felt and a tail that was oh so adorable... and shoe coverings that I actually took the time to sew toenails on. Okay, well, I didn't exactly sew them on, I just used stitch witchery. Still, there was an effort made. :) So I put the costume on him and he went hysterical. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with those scales and literally ripped them off his shirt. I'm pretty sure he'd have gone for the scales on the shorts, but I saved them before the complete massacre could occur. I figure somebody can wear it sometime. Maybe he'll wear it for dress up one day.

So I had to sit and breathe and try not to get upset. Meanwhile, Warren was off getting candy for him because I had forgotten that Benjamin wouldn't actually be able to eat any of the candy that was given to him. Well, unless they gave him skittles or something like that, but I didn't want to take any chances of him not being able to eat any of it. He rarely gets candy. We still had Easter skittles in the pantry that I just threw last week. It had occurred to me much later that he really did do me a favor by not wanting to go out. He was sooo excited to see all the little kids come to the door dressed up. He particularly liked the little girls dressed as fairies. I think he thought that were actual fairies and that they were coming to see him specifically...and he had the most precious smile on his face. I'm not sure that he would have enjoyed them as much if we had been out walking around. So that sweet smile made up for the dinosaur massacre.

Little Miracle November 1

So many of you know from my facebook post that Benjamin was horrible Halloween afternoon/evening. The weather didn't exactly cooperate, so we had to change his costume around to a dinosaur who lives in the tropics (hah to my friend Raven) from just a regular dinosaur who lives elsewhere. (Where did they live, anyway?) So he had green shorts and a green shirt with scales that were made out of felt and a tail that was oh so adorable... and shoe coverings that I actually took the time to sew toenails on. Okay, well, I didn't exactly sew them on, I just used stitch witchery. Still, there was an effort made. :) So I put the costume on him and he went hysterical. He wanted absolutely nothing to do with those scales and literally ripped them off his shirt. I'm pretty sure he'd have gone for the scales on the shorts, but I saved them before the complete massacre could occur. I figure somebody can wear it sometime. Maybe he'll wear it for dress up one day.

So I had to sit and breathe and try not to get upset. Meanwhile, Warren was off getting candy for him because I had forgotten that Benjamin wouldn't actually be able to eat any of the candy that was given to him. Well, unless they gave him skittles or something like that, but I didn't want to take any chances of him not being able to eat any of it. He rarely gets candy. We still had Easter skittles in the pantry that I just threw last week. It had occurred to me much later that he really did do me a favor by not wanting to go out. He was sooo excited to see all the little kids come to the door dressed up. He particularly liked the little girls dressed as fairies. I think he thought that were actual fairies and that they were coming to see him specifically...and he had the most precious smile on his face. I'm not sure that he would have enjoyed them as much if we had been out walking around. So that sweet smile made up for the dinosaur massacre.

Little Miracles

So I'm thinking about doing a daily (and yes, I do know that is rather ambitious for my blogging style) post of little miracles that God shows me during the day. Now these little miracles will probably be more equated to happy moments, epiphanies, or perhaps an actual miracle. Since I'm rather new (okay, not new, but more like a "newb" as Warren says) at blogging, I'm not really sure what will happen when I update the post. Not sure if it will post a new date, but if it does, it does. You enjoy reading them anyway or you wouldn't be reading this. :)

October 30: We don't have a dishwasher, so you can frequently find me standing in the kitchen washing dishes. Interesting that I'm always washing dishes, but yet I always have dirty ones. I've had a dishwasher in my house for as long as I can remember washing dishes, so this chore can sometimes be a bit annoying for me. Benjamin loves listening to music and it does take my mind off of this boring chore, so I had some music playing in the background and "Hosanna" came on by Christy Nockels. I really love that song. So anyway, we have a window right above the sink, and as soon as the really pretty chorus started ("Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna in the highest"), I turned off the water so I could hear it better and the sun came up at that exact moment and shined right in my face. It was the sweetest thing. I really do love that window.

Preschool week

So Benjamin started school this week. He is going three days a week whereas the rest of his class goes five days a week. I'm pretty sure their parents are just reaping the rewards for free childcare though. Oops, I didn't say that. Disregard that horrible, yet probably truthful comment.

I have been very conflicted about the school situation for quite a few weeks, and it didn't bother me much that we had to wait a bit longer than we had originally thought. We were delayed for the school physical, shots, and then someone who processes paperwork for the special preschool went on vacation. But alas, we finally did get the call that he was placed into an afternoon class right in the middle of his usual nap time. Now there are some days where Benjamin doesn't take a nap, but those days are downright horrible most of the time. We both need for him to take a nap. :) So we're still working out the kinks with his new schedule. He was up at 5am this morning bouncing off the walls. Greeeat.

So back to the major conflict that keeps bouncing around in my head. Warren and I had always assumed that Benjamin would go to preschool, but not at any type of special school. We expected him to go to a preschool that was part of a church as most preschools are around here and everywhere else that we'd want to live. Now most of these start at age 3 and require children to be potty trained, and I can assure you that Benjamin most definitely won't be potty trained by the time he's three. Miracles do happen, I realize, but that is just something that I'm not expecting to happen anytime soon. So anyway, we expected him to be at a school that was christian based and to send him to public school has been rather difficult for us to do. We don't know these teachers and what types of influences Benjamin is being subjected to while he's there. And what about the other kids? Are they all crazy or why exactly are they there? Those were my doubts before I dropped him off on Monday.

All these doubts start to creep up and I have been trying to squash them down all week. It occurred to me this morning that this school is not daycare. The teachers are not daycare workers. They are all trained professionals with many more degrees than I have obtained.... and these kids are there because they need help with whatever their particular handicap is. I saw several children who were blind and they were walking around with their little canes and each had their own aides and it occurred to me that their parents might have thought the same thing when they enrolled their child- that they didn't want to send their kid who was "only" blind to a school filled with crazy kids.

It takes a special kind of person to be a special education teacher and I can't help but to believe that God puts each and every one of them in their profession whether they acknowledge that or not. All of Benjamin's teachers are very sweet people and we really have no complaints thus far. Benjamin has been extremely happy after school, so as long as that persists, I'm right there with him.

my cup runneth over

I have always loved that phrase. My version would be "my teacup runneth over", but the original line comes from Psalms 23:5- You prepare a table for me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup runneth over.

My cup always runs over when it concerns Benjamin. Having a child with any sort of disability really gives you so much perspective, I think. The small things make us so happy. It delights us when Benjamin points to a ball and says ball and when we respond with "yes, that's a blue ball" and he responds back with "blue ball" it just sends us over the moon. We were told last year that he may never communicate with words, so any word at all is still exciting. He has about 30 words that he uses spontaneously now, so it is definitely clear that he will indeed talk. His speech therapist placed him in the average 24 month old category for speech, so we're definitely thrilled about that.

I know that there are peaks and valleys with child rearing, but a little perspective can make all the difference in how you view and treat your child. Encourage them in their strengths and recognize their weaknesses as just that- a weakness. Perhaps focusing on their strengths will help them overcome those weaknesses. Time will tell for us all, I suppose.

surprising conversations amongst strangers

So we've all had a cold this week and colds make me want to eat soup. I rarely eat soup even though I really enjoy it. Warren loves soup. I think it's a yankee thing. So anyway, while in Farm Fresh on the soup aisle (Which is quite the swanky grocery store even though most people there are buying spam and hamburger helper, no idea how they really stay in business.), I happened to hear a conversation between two young girls- twenty was probably a stretch for either of them. One of the girls picked up some soup and turned it around to read the label and said, "Oh, no, this has MSG." I found it interesting that someone of that age even knew what MSG was and cared enough to try to avoid it. She was right, MSG is horrible for you.

Oh, and I do realize how Farm Fresh stays in business- $9.79 gluten free pretzels, $5.29 gluten free cereal, and $6.29 rice bread. Seriously, I think all the celiacs and those who choose to eat gf in the area are keeping them above bankruptcy.

Being proud.

Aren't we all proud of our children whey they master a goal you've set for them or accomplish a difficult task for their developmental level? And if we're truly honest, aren't we a bit proud of ourselves as well? Yes, most of us are indeed proud. This is a dangerous path to follow. Be careful in that you are not proud of yourself as a parent, but proud of Christ who resides in you that gives you the wisdom to parent such a wonderful, amazing child.

Furthermore, be careful in that you value the talents your children have as gifts from God and not gifts from you. He has given your child special talents, big and small, and absolutely none of them come from you. Some of their talents may mimic yours, and this is without coincidence because it enables you to enjoy your time together, but it still is not from you. Praise God for giving your children such special talents and for giving YOU special talents in which to teach them how to use their gifts in a spiritual way.

James 4:6 God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.

Grace is for sure a good thing.

the surgery

So the whole thing went well. I had no complications during surgery and have yet to have any complications afterward. The whole thing is still somewhat surreal to me. Did I really have an organ taken out? Have I really had two surgeries in the last three years, one being a major, albeit common one? Yeah, I think I did because I have the one rather large scar and the more recent four little ones developing.

Yay for modern medicine. You got a problem and yo they solve it. hehe....

So it's offical now....

... Benjamin is indeed medically short, which is better than just "his mother thinks he's short, short"...? Anyway, he's now below the 5%, so that means it's time to get checked out. One would think that we loooooved going to Portsmouth Hospital, but we really do not. We're not sure who we're seeing this time as the cause for this could be numerous. We went in for his school physical last week and they charted his height and looked at me as if I were in the wrong for not mentioning it earlier. Sheesh, I have been mentioning it. Haven't they read my blog and/or facebook posts? I mean who do these doctors think they are dealing with? heh...

So we have to go back in to see his regular pediatrian who will then send us to Portsmouth. I know, I know, walk here to run there and sit for thirty minutes. Now get up and spin. Now squat. Now jump like a frog. This is the military referral system, folks. It's free, but painful sometimes.

I do however have full confidence in the specialists there. All of the doctors we have dealt with in the past have been wonderful. Let's hope for the same experience in figuring out what the deal is with my little shorty.

google

Benjamin has grown very little in the past year. His weight and height are almost identical to last November. If you've ever seen Benjamin, it's obvious that the weight issue is not a problem at all. He is the average sized, chunky little toddler. Little being the operative word since he's at the 8% for height. This of course was not a problem last November because his percentile then hovered around the 50% mark. The closer he gets to three at this height, the more likely it will be that he will be tested for various things just to rule out anything serious. It may just be that he's short. Only time will tell as doctors do not appear concerned until the percentile mark gets below 5%.

Now everyone knows that I am a planner. It seems like I plan to plan sometimes. So of course I google everything that could cause children to become short or stop growing. The list goes on and on and some are serious and some are not so serious. The result of internet googling can go in a wrong direction rather quickly. Suddenly, it seems as if every listed symptom is showing up right before your eyes. "Child has very wide set eyes and a blue tongue." Surely Benjamin's had a blue tongue recently, right? With a far off glaze and vacant expression, you actually begin to believe that your child is turning into a chowchow. Now that is not actually a short stature symptom, thank goodness, but you get where I'm going with that.

It's okay if he's always short. I think he's quite adorable that way. Let's just hope that he's short just because he is.

Gallbladder

So who really needs one anyway? Should it be a big deal that they're going to take an organ out of me? There are a few organs that seem to be nonessential.... like your appendix... gallbladder... I've even heard of people living without their spleens. Part of me wonders what the long term affects are of removing organs. Who are we to choose which ones are important and which ones are not? How long ago was it that we thought the earth was flat? Even still, I am quite at peace with willingly giving up an organ.

John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.

P.S. Awesome verse.

Revelation

So the other day it occurred to me just how easy life is these days. I just woke up and realized that Benjamin is a thousand times "better" than he used to be. A year ago and he was such a bear most of the time. Everyone knows that he's always been an active child (understatement of the year) and that his attention span has always been short, but it seems as if the older he gets, the easier life gets with him. I have always heard most Moms complain that the older the child gets, the harder life seems to be, so I'm ecstatic to say the complete opposite is happening with us. It's not an ordeal to take him to the grocery store anymore. We can go to the park and he will play with other children. I can do housework and not be scared that he's hanging from the chandelier.

Life is good, folks. I have no complaints.

Sleep

Sleep is such a popular pastime for people. Over the last two years, I have often thought that sleep is past my time rather than it being my pastime. Lots of children have sleep disorders and drag their parents along the way. Warren and I often wonder how it is possible to have more than one child. And what I mean by that is how is it possible to have the energy to raise more than one child... because the two of us can not comprehend what is it like to have a child that sleeps through the night more than two consecutive nights. We know lots of people with two and three children and they all seem normal. Sure they complain about losing sleep, but they continued to have children and some still see more children to come in the future. I'm pretty sure they're hepped up on coffee for most of the waking hours of the day though.

When people ask me if I want more children, I would love to answer with an emphatic "YES," but honestly... I don't answer that way at all. This is just our season, I know. I KNOW.

It's official

Umm.... so yeah.... I don't normally criticize myself in such a public forum, but it's official now: I'm a bit of a chunky monkey. Okay, some of you may be rolling your eyes, but I swear that I'm only a few pounds to being in the morbidly obese category. I'm not really sure of how it happened to be honest. I think it's just a combination of small events that have added up to make a big event. Benjamin no longer requires me to stroll him for hours on end and a pound a month over a year adds up quickly. This is a big deal when you're short. Five pounds puts me in a different size clothing! I'd like those sizes to decrease rather than increase.

So I'm making myself accountable to you, dear reader.

Soapbox

Okay, brace yourselves for this one...I'll just admit it to all of you now, I love my kid. I enjoy being a parent. No, this is not some sort of weird mantra.

How about using that as a conversation starter as opposed to the usual phrases... and we all know what those phrases are so I won't be posting them here. Really think about what you say about your children. They are not miniature adults and should not be spoken about as such. Most people say nicer things about their pets than their children when asked.

If you think your children have bad attitudes, take a good long look at their surroundings. What do they see? What do they hear? If I've learned anything from Benjamin it's that his bad days are my bad days.

I've never said my days were easy with Benjamin... and I have done my share of complaining about his behaviors... but never once have I resented him and the time it takes to care for him. Being a stay at home parent is challenging for anyone from time to time. Learn to embrace those challenges instead of simply complaining about them.

So I just might be on top of my soapbox, but that's what a blog is for, right? It's your choice to read it. :)

It is well

Benjamin had his six month check up with his neuro pediatric doctor last week. It's just a simple office visit very similar to a well-baby exam, but he sees a specialist instead of a regular pediatrician. The office is inside a hospital, which is a little scary for me to be honest. Every time we go, I'm very aware of the fact that his office is inside of a hospital, which houses sick people. Now there are tons of clinics there as well, but those clinics aren't my concern when I'm taking Benjamin there. All I can think of is that we're required to go to a hospital for my child to see a brain doctor. Some days I forget that Benjamin is different, but not on the days when we go see Dr. Stuart.

The visit was uneventful in terms of a medical perspective. No tests, no bloodwork. Just some questions from the doctor and another scheduled appointment at the end of the year. Dr. Stuart asked us questions about Benjamin's behavior on a day to day basis and it finally dawned on me what a different child he is compared to last November. He has a language delay, but that is probably the only noticeable factor at this point that he is different from any other child his age. Does he have tantrums when he doesn't get his 5th popsicle for the day? Sure. (they're sugar free, by the way.) Is he cranky when he is sleepy? Sure. Does he not like to come inside when he's having so much more fun outside? Sure. The differences: Does he bang his head on the ground repeatedly? No. Does he cry when other children simply enter the room? No. Does he physically push books away from you? No.

Benjamin is leaps and bounds a different child, but it's been so gradual that we didn't notice that he's more normal than abnormal at this point. Sure he still lines up his toys and loves to spin the wheels on his cars, but that isn't going to put him in a special school. Quirky people fill the world and my child is just going to make it a bit fuller.

I have said so many times how profound song lyrics are in my life, and as I was walking out of that hospital, I could not help but to think of this hymn.

It is well, with my soul,
It is well, with my soul,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.

He makes all things new

I love Spring. Plants are blooming again, people are out grilling, and you can hear the happy shouts of children all over your neighborhood. Can you not help but smile when you hear a child laughing? Spring makes me happy indeed...

Warren was deployed last summer and I left to visit my family for a couple of months. During this time, HR underwent a serious drought and when I returned, my yard literally looked as if it had caught fire. Everything was black! I had to chop everything down and hope for the best this Spring. Before I left, I dug up some older plants and planted two hydrangea bushes right up front. These two sad plants crumbled to the touch when I came back home. I left them in the ground and still hoped for the best.

About three days ago, I was outside fiddling round in my yard while Benjamin napped and alas, my favorite plant had teeny tiny leaves coming from the ground. I immediately thought of this verse and the ever popular song verse, "He makes all things new". If God can bring this plant back from complete ruins of the severe drought last year, imagine what He can do in your life with regular waterings.




Revelation 21:1-8

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth; for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband; and I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling of God is with men. He will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself will be with them; he will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain any more, for the former things have passed away." And he who sat upon the throne said, "Behold I make all things new." Also he said, "Write this, for these words are trustworthy and true." And he said to me, "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the fountain of the water of life without payment. He who conquers shall have this heritage, and I will be his God and he shall be my son. But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the polluted, as for murderers, fornicators, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars, their lot shall be in the lake that burns with fire and sulphur, which is the second death."

A new day, a new word.

Benjamin has so many words now! I can't express how relieved and excited we are to hear anything come out of his mouth. His new favorite word is eye, which he says like his Mamma- "ahye". It's soooo adorable. Six months ago we were seriously starting to have doubts about whether or not he would ever speak, but now we are without doubt. Isn't that awesome?

While doing my research for gluten free foods, I stumbled upon some very interesting articles about ingredients in fast foods. I would not necessarily label myself as "granola", but I am definitely above the average mark for attempts at providing my family with healthy meals and snacks. We do have our occasional fried chicken, but I am from the South, so you are going to have to work with me on that one. :)

McDonald's: I've never been a huge of of Mcd's, but I do enjoy their steak bagels and sweet tea. (Of course, who doesn't like their tea? You'd have to be some sort of weirdo to not enjoy it. I've mentioned before that I think they put small amounts of crack in it.) Here is the general run down of their ingredient list and I'll try to not be too scientific:

• The fried chicken has sodium phosphates. Yes, sodium phosphate is a foaming agent. Then they also add an ingredient which minimizes the foaming. Odd. I guess you'd have to find this ingredient hovering around the soap at the grocery store. Or Lowe's. I know, let's all go to Lowe's next time we want quality ingredients for our kids. They even have a military discount.
  
• Several of the salads have glazes that contain an ingredient used to trap ground beetles. This ingredient is considered safe for human consumption, but not legal for use in cat food because it hasn't been declared safe just yet. Is PETA warning people not to feed their pets salads from here? I think they should seriously look in to it since it could turn in to a real problem for our feline friends.

Burger King: It's a good thing we never eat here.

• The salad itself is basically okay, but the dressings contain titanium dioxide. Yes, that's the same stuff in your sunscreen. Is it particularly sunny inside a BK? Or better yet, are they really doing an experiment for the gov't on the potential affects of ingesting sunscreen and decreased sun damage? I'm doubting it.
  
• Most of their food contains MSG and they hide it in their ingredient list by disguising it as other ingredients. Pretty typical of fast food restaurants.
  

Taco Bell: Warren loves this place. There is not much to be said that isn't known to the general public already. You get what you get with this place. You don't go there expecting good food. Most of their food contains MSG as well.

Wendy's:

• The chili contains silicone dioxide, which is used to prevent caking. The base of this chemical is silica, which is a form of sand or powdered glass. Yummy.
• Again with the salad dressings containing sunscreen and MSG.

So, to recap, if you want a little sunscreen in your diet, your best bet would be to eat some salads. Or better yet, if you want some really great sand, check out Wendy's because I hear it's simply delicious there. Oh, and the best one, if beetles are eating your roses this summer, just stop by your McDonald's and pick up a salad and just use it like mulch.

tantrums

Benjamin's teacher comes once a week on Monday mornings. He was still sick on Monday, so we had to reschedule the appointment for today. She mainly works on speech therapy through interactive play and it usually goes really well. He actually looks forward to it it seems. He is usually very withdrawn when people come to the door that aren't in the immediate family (me, warren, and my favorite neighbor), but he always smiles when she comes. She is here solely for him and I think that he is aware of that. Today she brought Easter eggs filled with little treasures for him to find and he was amused with opening and closing them a million times, but got a little irrate when she tried to hide them to practice for the Easter egg hunts coming up in a few weeks.

It can be said that Benjamin has a difficult time managing transition, but today was just completely out of the normal range for his tantrums. In a normal situation, I would have just let him throw himself on the ground (This part is actually sort of funny because he usually eases himself on the ground because he's found that it hurts when he throws himself. lol) and have it out for the couple of minutes. Well, as I said, she's only here once a week, so it is vitally important that he stay in control of himself and be able to learn while she's here. I tried to consol him and my oh my was that the wrong thing to do. The child actually headbutted me! Right in front of his teacher. Now to clarify, he wasn't trying to hurt me, he was just that much out of control. Needless to say, this made me very angry. Yes, angry is the right word because it hurt. I try to not parent in anger and I'm to tell you that it took every bit of strength in me to not beat him right in front of his teacher and Madeline. (Rachel's little sweetie who comes three times a week.) The hour was up by this point, so it was time for his teacher to leave anyway. Not a moment too soon because all I wanted to do was cry, but I managed to keep it together until she left.

It's time like this that I sit and think, "Why me, why my kid, why he does act this way, and when will it stop?". Well, I do know why he acts this way, so that isn't really a good question to be pondering to begin with. So, to all of you who think that I always have it together with Benjamin and that it's easy, I'm to tell you that it's not easy and I most certainly do not have it all together all the time. I don't have moments where I sit and feel sorry for me or for him often, but those moments are definitely real. However, God never gives us more than we can handle and I still believe that to be true. After all, I do not have a woe is me attitude about his condition that is evolving into something that could possibly require life long care. Okay, yes, maybe I do have a woe as me attitude 1% of the time... Still good odds for us all, I'd say.

Thanks for listening.

Gluten woes

Casein free is not fun, but gluten free is lots worse. It's easy to substitute soy for cow's milk, but there really is not a substitute for wheat. Wheat is in so many foods! What I am coming to realize is that the foods that contain wheat usually are not that great for you anyway. All the processed junk that we put into our bodies on a daily basis... man oh man. Just wait for the post about the additives in fast food. I actually already knew most of it, but I chose to ignore the facts and settled with ignorance is bliss. You really can not do that with a child who has allergies though.

So the woes basically consisted with Benjamin having withdrawals to gluten. The basic explanation of the whole situation is that there are some autistic children (and obviously some neuro-typical children as well, but they get labeled as having Celiac disease) can not digest casein (cow's milk by product) and gluten (wheat, rye, barley, etc.). These proteins remain in your blood stream and behave as an opiate. GREAT, right?? So basically I've been drugging my child for two years. This is not what causes autism, but rather it exacerbates some of the symtoms such as spinning, banging of the head, and looking "out of it" most of the time. Doctors sometimes suggest that you try this diet to see if any of the symptoms subside. A LOT of Benjamin's symptoms have subsided with the GFCF diet, and we're thrilled with the results. We were not so thrilled with the withdrawals that lasted for about four days, however. He woke up about every 45 minutes at night and was incredibly cranky all day to the point of driving us insane. I'm sure he must have had some sort of headache. We all had a headache at that point. Benjamin has been using more "jargon", which is baby jabber. You know when a child looks at you and has a complete conversation and it's obvious that they aren't speaking English? That's jargon. Benjamin never had that before. It's thought to be the precursor to speaking. Yippee!

Now I'm sure many of you may be wondering why children are not tested for these types of "allergies", and I can not really answer that question. I suppose the same reason why we are not all tested for lots of things. Sometimes, as parents, you must educate yourselves (Warren calls this webmding yourself.) and then ask the doctors for various tests. Is it our crappy healthcare system that ALWAYS revolves around money to the expense of our own health? Maybe so. I do not have the answers, but I do know that Benjamin could have been tested for this earlier. The treatment to eliminate some foods is considered a homeopathic treatment. We all know how most doctors feel about homeopathic treatments. It's very interesting that Western medicine has come this far, but yet falls so short in many ways because most refuse to believe in homeopathic treatments.

Yes, big post with lots of topics. Sorry. The bottom line is Benjamin is doing better and we're stoked!

Saved by Grace

This was never posted for some reason... guess I forgot to post it. :) Update: Warren is now at his new command, crappy eval in tow and no award. The lion's den was escaped though.


Warren was saved by grace... Very interesting story, actually. The whole ordeal that was hugely blown out of proportion is coming to an end next week. Warren does have to go and see his boss, but isn't as bad as it could have been. He simply gets a letter that says he made a mistake and that he should have known better. Mistakes do happen, we're all human.

The interesting part of the story involves the people sent to investigate and help Warren. The helper was actually a retired Catholic Bishop (not sure why he's retired, but nonetheless...) who trained Warren and his guys on how to operate a particular program on their ship. (And just for the record, the mistakes that happened centered around poor training to begin with.) He was there for a week and calmed Warren's nerves during this extremely stressful time. You could say that they are now "shipshape", if you want an actual nautical term. The second interesting man would be the investigator they sent over. This man was crucial in determining if Warren would be in serious trouble. Warren knew he really had to impress him with his "mad skills". (Mad skills are the equivalent of really good skills. It's slang, I know.) The day of the meeting, Warren was speaking with the new chief's mate, which is like the XO on a Navy ship and apparently he knew the investigator, so he wanted to talk with him before the investigation began. By the time he sat down with Warren, it was all basically smoothed over. This was a HUGE blessing for Warren because he was seriously sweating this interview.

GFCF

(for FB users, this blog is imported automatically; visit benjaminsmamma.blogspot.com)

Ah, the trials and tribulations of the gluten free/casein free diet are here. We've been CF (which is basically cow's milk free for all intents and purposes and without going into a lot of explaining) since mid-Oct and after many months, I am basically a pro at reading ingredients... or so I thought. I never would have thought that McDonald's french fries contain milk. Isn't that an interesting tidbit of information? Apparently, the beef flavoring in them contains milk. Now why didn't I stop to think that a french fried potato might possibly have milk as an ingredient? It's simply baffling.

So here I am, almost 5 months into this diet and still giving milk to my CF child. I figure with this new found boost of confidence that I'm ready to embark on the GFCF, right? GF is basically wheat free. We've been at it for three days now and I'm finding that it's nearly impossible to dine out (but it's nearly impossible to dine out with a 2 year old anyway) on this diet. However, the fast food chariot for this diet is ChickFilA. You can eat the french fries, which is a blessing. I always try to take enough snacks, but realistically, a family that is used to dining on the go will encounter problems eventually and require the assistance of some restaurant's deep fryer. It's just science. Southern people need their deep fried food every once in a while. You're all shaking your heads in agreement.

So you're all wondering the purpose of this diet, right? Well, everything involves Benjamin somehow, right? Well, especially on this blog since it's dedicated to him and the joys and dilemnas of parenthood. It's basically an at home therapy that is recommended to see if you achieve positive results. It's been proven to work with some kids, so if it doesn't work, all you are wasting is your time. (and money mind you, it's very expensive) Benjamin has already said three more words since this diet, which is miraculous in our house. His sleeping, however, has been TERRIBLE, so I'd better end this quickly as it is rather late.

Watch for more posts in the future.

He can move the mountains

Whenever I hear the song "Mighty to Save" on the radio or at church, I always think about Benjamin. I suppose that is because he is always on my mind... and the obstacles we are facing are usually right under the surface, so it always pops up. You know the song, it goes like this:


Everyone needs compassion
Love thats never failing
Let mercy fall on me
Everyone needs forgiveness
The kindness of a Savior
The hope of nations
Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
So take me as You find me
All my fears and failures
And fill my life again
I give my life to follow
Everything I believe in
Now I surrender
I Surrender
Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
Shine Your light and let the whole world see
Were singing
For the glory of the risen King
Jesus
Shine Your light and let the whole world see
Were singing
For the glory of the risen King
Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
Savior
He can move the mountains
My God is mighty to save
He is mighty to save
Forever
Author of salvation
He rose and conquered the grave
Jesus conquered the grave
Shine Your light and let the whole world see
Were singing
For the glory of the risen King
Jesus
Shine Your light and let the whole world see
Were singing
For the glory of the risen King

I know there are lots of different aspects of this song and it can relate to any person and any situation, but I personally can't help but think of Benjamin and his speech delay. (among other things of his) I always gain perspective when hearing this song. Why should I be concerned with my abilities in helping Benjamin overcome a speech delay when He can move the mountains? And in all actually, it is stated that WE can move the mountains.

Matthew 17:20: He told them, "Because of your lack of faith. I tell you with certainty, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.

Do you know how tiny a mustard seed is? That's all the measure of faith that you need to move a mountain. Imagine what a dozen little mustard seeds could accomplish.

I'm one of those people who truly believes that given time, good prevails over evil. What exactly constitutes the difference between good and evil? Is it all perspective or is there really a line to be drawn between the two? And who really tells us?

I'm not having a debate in my mind about obvious things such as stealing or killing. Nothing that serious. Warren is having a little conundrum at work and it really makes you question why things happen. I don't necessarily believe that a good job will always equal good rewards. Warren has always performed well at work and has received the blessings of good rewards most of the time. But now, he's made a simple mistake and he's being dragged through hell and back for it. Every day seems to be worse than the day before. His ship has failed an inspection that is mostly centered around the lack of correct paperwork, and most of it was fixed in a single day. It was an honest mistake for him, and yet they are responding well over the appropriate amount of disciple required. My immediate response is not the question of "why him, why us", but more just the general question of "why".

Is it wrong of me to think of these people as evil because they do not know Warren from Adam, and yet they want to throw him into the lion's den anyway? Or really is there something else behind it? I can't help but to think that in this economy, jobs must be justified because of the lack of funds that all companies are experiencing right now. Of course Warren's job is secure, but the "evil" people that are persecuting him are civilians. Will their job be more secure if they make an example of someone else? Is that the good, the flip side of this story? Making Warren go through this demise just to save another person's job who isn't as secure... someone who probably has a family of their own to support? Is that really a good thing or an evil thing? Good for them, evil for Warren. This situation definitely depends on perspective.

I do have a calmness about the situation in that whatever happens, happens. The world will keep spinning and we'll wake up to see another day. I have no fear, honestly. I can't say the same for Warren, but I'll believe enough for the two of us right now.

Hands tucked, please.

I still rock Benjamin to sleep. I know, I know, such a travesty in this day and age of expecting your children to become adults by the time they are two. I'm not really sure what that "independence" accomplishes really. Are they truly independent because they can put themselves to sleep if they scream for 20 minutes beforehand? I've noticed that children who are expected to be miniature adults have more frequent outbursts and become unraveled more easily at the tiniest little hiccup in their lives. Of course, there are some children who are perfectly content with putting themselves to sleep and never make a peep about it. This is the perfect situation for all involved, right? Like many others, my situation is not that easy. Benjamin has never been an easy child, and this sleep situation perfectly fits alongside his disposition. I'm not saying my way is the right way; I'm saying that my way is the right way for us right now. I enjoy holding him and watching him slowly unwind and relax and drift off. Right as he's made the decision that he is sleepy and wants to sleep, he tucks his hands in the sleeves of my shirt. I have no idea why he does this, but it is indeed a very sweet moment between the two of us.

"Children and mothers never really part- bound in the beating of each others' heart." -Charlotte Gray

Hobbies: God given or personally driven?

Do you ever wonder how much of your life is actually molded by God's voice, or his direction? How much of your personal interests are given to you by God rather than you taking them for your own? How many times do we miss the mark on becoming more knowledgeable on these interests? Have you ever been in a situation where you could have helped someone immensely had you had more knowledge on the given subject? Could you have been more helpful to the elderly widow across the street if you knew the perfect recipe for brownies? I know that sounds silly, but when you know that your neighbor's birthday is right around the corner and she loves brownies, would it not be nicer to make homemade ones rather than store bought ones? And knowing this perfect recipe would be the product of time spent in your kitchen cooking for your own family and honing your skills for service later.

Or perhaps, a more masculine example. Say you've always had a liking for carpentry, but never really knew where to start. You go and buy all the right tools, and inevitably, they sit in your garage collecting dust because you are only halfheartedly taking on this hobby anyway. You watch a few t.v. shows about building things and think to yourself "Wow, that looks easy and we need one of those." (those being whatever it is they are building on t.v.) Now let's say they are building a bench and you want one of those. You buy the lumber, nails, whatever it is you need to build it. Two months later you overhear one of your friends saying that they need a bench to sit on outside since the weather is so nice and his wife is 8 months pregnant and has a hard time sitting on the ground to make beautiful landscapes with chalk with her other children. If you had made that bench of yours two months earlier, you could just give it to your friend or make another one for them.. but you choose to watch more t.v. to get your skills "just right" before starting. So you're sitting there thinking that you had good intentions of course, but that only justifies laziness in most cases.

I often wonder these things because a lot of my personal interests seem to hold more meaning than I had ever intended for them. My most recent example would be that of sign language. All of my life I have thought that I would have a deaf child and that I should learn to sign. I've had countless opportunities to learn basic sign, but I've never really taken advantage of them. When Benjamin was born, I actually thought to myself, "Well, he's not deaf, so it must be our second child and I still have time to learn". Never in my wildest dreams could I imagine that I would need to know sign language for a child that has perfect hearing.

Become masters of your own hobbies. Like to draw? Teach an art class to neighborhood preschoolers. Like to read? Volunteer to teach adults to read. Like to garden? Mow your neighbor's yard when they are on vacation. Like to fix cars? Teach your friend to change his oil. Like to cook? Find a shut in from your church and send them your leftovers. Computers? Teach your Grandmother how to send email.

Service to others does not have to be boring. Life is supposed to be fun!

Benjamin's babies

Benjamin's all time favorite movie is "Finding Nemo", which most of you already know. He has several Finding Nemo stuffed animals and lots of little clown fish all over the house. He adores these fish and loves on them constantly. I think it's precious.

The odd little thing is that he calls them "bebes". No idea why! Maybe he's trying to say baby, but it sounds more like bebe. Does he really think these fish are his babies? lol, that is just a joke of course.

Anyway, just a bit of humor for the day. :)

Beware of the Hippos!

So we were shopping for Benjamin's birthday gift, and we stumbled upon the bubble section. Benjamin loves bubbles and makes the cutest little popping noise when he pops them. This can get quite animated at times and it's hilarious. He claps his hands together as if to squish the bubble and says pop pop, or sometimes op op. Either way it's adorable.

Sooo... we thought that the hippo that blows bubbles out of it's mouth would be a wonderful gift. Supposedly, you pull the trigger on it's back and voila, out come the bubbles. Well, this did not go over as well as intended. He started to get the fat lip immediately (this dates back to when he was tiny and Warren used to unintentionally scare him with vibrating noises), so we knew it wasn't good, but we kept trying waiting for the bubbles to come out to cheer him up. The bubbles never came out.

He was pretty much screaming at this point, so we thought that a little cake would make him feel better. Every kid likes cake, right? He did like the cake, but was still mad about the hippo, so he cried on and of throughout eating it (which was sorta funny) and was upset again after about 5 minutes because it was then all over his hands... this is the same kid who thrives on messy dirt hands, so we have no idea what that was all about.

We did get a few pictures of the event. We actually had flashbacks to last year's birthday because the same thing happened. Maybe it's going to be a trend where he screams on his birthday? Maybe next year we will play the "It's my party and I'll cry if I want to" song before we start opening presents. lol... it was funny though. Poor kid.

So my story sums up with this: beware of the hippos.

New Era

For the times, they are a-changin'....

Now, of course, that song by Bob Dylan was about a more serious topic than Benjamin's Birthday, but it pretty much sums up how I feel today.

Today marks the event of Benjamin's birth two years ago, and it is as much a happy occasion as it is a sad occasion. Well, maybe sad is a harsh word. Perhaps meloncholy would be a better choice. Today marks the day that I can no longer call him a baby and must refer to him by years rather than months. It always sounds a little ridiculous to me when people refer to their children as months when it gets past 24. So he's officially two now. Well, if you want to get all technical, he was born January 23rd 10:08 PM, Hawaii Standard Time, which is actually January 24 for the rest of the country. Interesting little fact there. We're celebrating on the 23rd even though the rest of the family actually found out on the 24th. It's sort of like a leap year anomaly. :)

So the times, yes, they are a changing for sure. Each day is a fun day filled with adventures galore. He's such a sweet child and I'm so lucky to have him.

Happy Birthday, Benjamin!

sign language

Yes, nap time again, so I'm blogging. Warren has recently labeled me an "inspirational blogger". lol... funny man he is. I blog to collect my thoughts and share them with others so they may smile, laugh, and have a better day.

I've always been fascinated with sign language. I'm not really sure where this fascination stems from since I've never known anyone who had significant hearing loss that required the use of sign language. The letter charts have always been fun for me to sit and memorize, but I've never retained the vast majority of the letters since I have no one to practice with. Warren, however, has known the charts for years and years, and never forgets them. He has amazing abilities of retaining information. He has oodles of information tucked away in his brain and pulls them out at the right moments.

So anyway, back to the whole point of this entry, Benjamin's teacher has been teaching him sign language. No, he doesn't have a hearing problem. The theory with autistic children, and all other late talkers actually, is that communicating with signs lessens the frustrations the child has with not being able to communicate their needs and desires. Some parents discourage this education due to the irrational thinking that it will make their children speak even later in life. Most children learn the sign, learn to put the word with the sign, and eventually, drop the sign altogether. Benjamin's first sign was "more" and it is basically just putting your finger tips together with your palms inward. It is easy for children to use this sign for several situations, thus making the use more frequent, thus boosting their self-esteem and willingness to cooperate with teachers/parents.

I really think that I was happier with Benjamin's first sign experience than I was with his first word. (As many of you know, Benjamin had words and then lost them around 15-16 months.) Of course, this is from the same Mom that loves that her child is left-handed... what can I say? I love that my child is different and it makes me a different kind of Mom...

I know that most people wouldn't trade places with me even if they were paid, but I wouldn't trade places with them either.

My surroundings

The older I get and the more I move, the more important it is to me to surround myself with people and things that I love. An outsider looking at my house would probably say it's just full of "stuff". My home is not a "show home" by any stretch of the means and is not a page in a magazine. However, so many of my possessions are irreplaceable and have meanings way beyond their face value.

An outsider would certainly realize my love for artwork because of the mass abundance of paintings hanging on the walls and scattered about the house, but would not know that my Grandmother painted most of them, thus making the paintings infinitely more valuable to me than any Monet hanging in a museum. Outsiders would see that I have an affinity for odd furniture, but would not know that the deacon's bench in the living room was handcrafted by my Grandfather, whom I adored as a child and miss as an adult; and that the ottoman perched on top of it matches the low back chair that once graced the house of my Great-Grandmother, whom I also adored as a child and miss as an adult; and that the artwork hanging above the bench is a painting of Ocean Springs, which is where Warren and I purchased our first home that was all but destroyed by Hurricane Katrina. They would notice three dime-store variety-type canisters in my kitchen filled with various beans and corn, but they would not know that these are the same canisters that my Mom used decades ago that have managed to survive countless household moves and that I regard them as precious as one of my antique china sets which individual plates value at more than $100, when the movers pack my house every three years. They would notice that the dining room has four unusual pieces of art hanging on the walls, but wouldn't know that the framed doilie was knitted by my Great-Grandmother and later framed by my Grandmother; and that the round painting of a gray house that looks almost identical to my childhood home was a wedding gift from my parents; and that the crayola scribblings displayed front and center is the handiwork of my baby sister, whom was blessed with wonderful creative abilities at a young age. They would see three stuffed teddy bears now displayed in Benjamin's room on a high shelf, but would not know that two of those bears belonged to his Mother and one belonged to his Father, and that his parents both remember the names of all three bears. I could go on and on...

I encourage you to surround yourself with things that you LOVE, not things that are simply on the clearance shelf at Pier One Imports. There are simply too many Jones' to keep up with in this world. I'm content with being a Gilliland.

New Blog

So I have the other blog: Benjaminsmamma, but that is entirely centered around Benjamin... and the parenting joys and dilemmas I encounter, so I figured that I should have another blog that is centered around the rest of my life. My musings, if you will. No idea how often this blog will be updated... perhaps more than the other one, perhaps less. It's fun to read comments, so if you have something to say, don't let your inhibitions stop you. I promise to be nice most of the time. :)