Time

Time has been my friend this year.  Many of you may wonder why on earth I would say that given that Warren is deployed and I have so very little of that precious word time.  But no, not that kind of time.  The kind of time that I'm referring to is the graceful kind that you don't even realize you've had until it's done it's job.

I was never the type that sat around and dreamed of what my little girl would wear and how beautiful she would be.  My dreams were much further in our future together where we'd sit and have tea and cookies together when we turned old and just be the best of friends.  With Ethan and with Henry, we didn't find out what we were having, so I had to pick a girl and boy name for each pregnancy.  Warren just knew we were having a boy every time, so it never mattered to him what girl name I picked.  Henry's girl name was Amelia Grace, and I was so in love with that name.  I am a very peculiar pregnant lady in that I really don't form attachments to the baby until it's born.  I admit this wholeheartedly.  Right when Henry was born and probably a full six months later, I constantly felt like I was missing someone where ever we went even when our entire family was present.  It was really difficult to internalize these feelings and the other day, I was finally blessed with the answer.   I stopped feeling like I was missing a child about a year ago, and the answer was that time had blessed me and I had missed it.  Isn't that the way it always works?  Time does it job and you're left to live your life.  We were told Henry was going to be our last child, and I had definitely come to terms with that right after he was born.  I didn't feel like I wanted more children.  I did, however, want my Amelia Grace.  I didn't even allow myself to think on these feelings at the time because in order to do that, I'd have to admit that I didn't want Henry and that was just simply not true. 

So the other day, I was leaving a friend's house, and I had to turn onto Amelia St.  I've driven on this street several times over the past few months, and I haven't once thought about my Amelia Grace.  So I sat there in the dark of the night looking at that street sign thinking where have I seen that name and goodness, that's a pretty name.  Maybe time has given me dementia as well as grace, but either way I feel blessed.  Time.  Another gift from God.
 

Water. All kinds of it.

Adventures in being a single parent... that's what I should rename this blog. 



So when we got back last night, there was about 200 gallons of water on TOP of my pool cover.  No joke.  About 200.  So I'm dumping bucket after bucket full of water off the top of the cover.  I get really pissed after about the 20th bucket.  Look under the cover and the water is crystal clear.  I'm thinking awesome, right.  So I was getting eaten alive by mosquitoes, holding my body weight in my bladder, and I'd just driven 9 hrs.  I climb in the pool, clothes and all, and try to push this stupid liner off.  Pulled a back muscle.  Awesome.  So I get a TAD bit irrational and cut the pool liner ($30) because I can't get it off the pool.  And all of the disgusting rain water got in the pool with all of the 8000 plum tree leaves.  So I'm out there cleaning this crap out of the pool at 8:30 and it still feels about 100 degrees.  The kids decide to jump in with their clothes on, too.  Benjamin looks very confused and asks why I'm yelling at the pool at this point, and if I'm going to be okay.  I busted out laughing and about peed my pants right there in the pool.